Monday, December 17, 2012

Adopting the Wounded

"Were you sleeping in America with Mommy while I was in Uganda?"

This is the question Little Man asked my husband this weekend.

Apparently, Walker is beginning to piece together the fact that my husband & I lived in America, in our house, & with our families {without him}.

AND that he was living in Uganda, in an orphanage, all alone {without us.}

How do you answer that?

At this point, he's not ready for {or wanting} a detailed answer.  He was more than content when Daddy simply said, "Yes."

But it pricked my heart nonetheless.

Reminded me anew that my bouncing, baby boy is a miracle.

It's nothing short of a work of the Lord that he has adjusted SO incredibly well into our family.

He LOVES his Mommy.

And is becoming uber-attached to his Daddy.

It seems that the Lord prepared his little heart to be placed into our family even before we were united forever.

He fits like a puzzle piece.......... that integral piece smack dab in the middle.

However, in his short little life, he has had to handle more pain, change, fear, & unknown than I've ever faced in my whole life.............. and he did it all ON HIS OWN.

Walker has wounds....... wounds that are healing & almost undetectable right now, but wounds nonetheless.

Wounds he'll eventually have to think through & vocalize.

Wounds that were caused by no fault of his own.

Wounds that could've been lessened my a million "if"s.

IF he had been adoptable before age 5.

IF someone could've found good medical treatment for his mother.

IF, IF, IF, IF, IF..............

I could drive myself batty thinking of all of these situations........ but I won't.

Honestly, the "if"s in his past don't bother me.  We all have "if"s.  Those things we can't control.

I'm far, far, far more concerned with his "when"s.

The "when"s are those definitive moments in his {& our} lives where the healing begins.

WHEN we chose to adopt.

WHEN we chose Uganda.

WHEN his orphange made the decision to begin adopting out their children.

WHEN we said YES to Walker's profile.

WHEN we became a family.

WHEN we came home.

WHEN he said his first unprovoked "I love you."

WHEN he says he wants to stay with Mommy & Daddy forever.

There will always be a million "if"s.  There's just no way around it. 

But the "if"s are easy.  Even cowardly.  They don't require anything but self-pity & loathing.

However, there can be TWO or THREE million "when"s.

These are hard.  They require deliberate, purposeful thought & action.  They require change.  Self-examination.  Consistency.

With each "when", the healing process works it's way in.  Pouring down, deep.  Deep into a wounded heart; a heart pitifully bandaged with old, dirty, grimy, reeking dressing.  The healing balm is no repsecter of wounds; it winds its way all around.  At first, reaching just those wounds on the heart's surface.  But little by little.  And ever so slowly.  Each "when" restores & binds up the broken places.  Some wounds will heal with noticeable scarring, but miracuously some scars will become unnoticeable, even forgotten.

It's a hard journey.

But it's full of promise, hope, love, joy, and a FOREVER FAMILY!

"Praise the LordFor it is good to sing praises to our God.....He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.  Great is our Lord and abundant in strength..." - Psalm 147:1, 3, 5