Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Un-Redeemable?

Yesterday I had a few moments of solitude while my baby sister took Walkie with her to the grocery store.

I actually had a few glorious moments to wander around my empty, quiet, messy house.

During those few moments I completed several full, complete thought processes.

I never get to............

These past few days have been quite difficult.

I don't know if it's me or Walker.

His bad attitude or mine.

Or a witch's brew concoction of them both.

I think the craziness of the season is partly to blame.

We've been hustling & bustling all around lately, & while I love that we can do that, it creates such a crazy lack of consistency that throws us both off our game.

I'm tired.  He's tired.  And our grace runs short with each other.

I find that I lose my mind {and go hunting my chocolate stash} over little things.

I discover that he defaults into "whiny" mode........... and pelts you with rapid fire questioning.

It becomes a vicious, crazy cycle.

Too often I get sucked right into that cycle........... and stay there FAR too long.

I find myself wishing that Daddy would hurry home from work or that it would be bed/nap time or that I could just eat a cupcake in peace & quiet.

However, what I too quickly forget is that these one, two, three, or fifteen bad moments of the day do NOT add up to make a Bad Day.  There are still wonderful, redeeming, joyful things in each day.

As I think back over the past few days, I've had some really, syrup-y sweet moments with Walker.  I mean like "he hung the moon" kind of moments!!!

But I roughly tossed them aside & chose to let the bad, unpleasant moments dictate my entire day.

I don't want to live that way.......... that's such a yucky, miserable, thankless way to live.

I've thought long & hard about it, & I uncovered a few things that were wonderfully, redeeming moments in the past few days.

My husband cleaning the kitchen up after dinner....... pots, pans, dishes, & everything in between.
 
The way Walker's little, squishy body feels in his red & white striped Christmas pajamas.
 
Heart to hearts with my baby sister.
 
A super cuddly little boy.
 
Orders from sweet clients.
 
Breakfast with friends.
 
Learning that Walker loves cinnamon rolls.
 
Hearing the sweet sounds of Daddy & son playing cars together.
 
Listening in awe to my son's English vocabulary grow & grow & grow.
 
Melting every time he says, "Mommy, I'm so happy I'm in America with you & Daddy."

Those are PLENTY enough moments to redeem the yucky in my day.

Of course, I can't think about redemption without thinking about Jesus, who came not just to redeem our moments, but to redeem our very lives.  And for this I am eternally thankful!!!!!  Motherhood has put under a microscope my heart & actions like nothing else I've ever done.  The day to day, moment by moment mothering is exhausting!  When push comes to shove......... I usually shove {not literally, of course.}  In those tough, hard moments, my character is revealed.  And I come up lacking!  I fall short!  I am SO thankful for Jesus's redeeming love, that says all is not lost.  Hope is here.  There is Grace even in & especially for these "crazy" moments.

As I struggle through how to live a gracious, redeemed life, I pray that my son will see far more of Christ at work in me than he sees of my sin.  I pray he'll see a Mommy constantly battling to maintain grace in all situations & relying fully on Christ to walk through the ups & downs of every day.  And I pray that he too will cling to that grace & redemption in his own little life.

Psalm 107:1-2 "Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His lovingkindness is everlasting.  Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary"

6 comments:

  1. This is a great post. I'm too tired to write anything else. :)

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    1. Thanks, chickie! I totally, totally understand! ♥

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  2. You are a really good writer, Bethany. I understand completely. That's one of the many reasons why I've loved "1000 Gifts" so much. I was in desperate need of the truth she speaks spoken into my life. I let so many things steal my joy. . . a bad attitude from one of the 4 in my house, a look someone may give me, a trying time in my marriage, a trying child. . . whatever. . . then I realize that my joy is not in the LORD, that my joy is obviously in these things. Joy is so easily be snatched from me. Convicts me every.single.time. When my joy is in Him, nothing can take that from me, b/c of who He is. You have a gift with words, my friend :) Hugs!!

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    1. I'm right there with you! Absolutely understand! Thank you for your sweet words! ♥

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  3. Welcome to parenthood, friend!
    I'd say EVERY parent feels like this from time to time. Or, if you're like me, there are moments every single day when I feel like this.
    I'd also like to encourage you, as a mama who's raising three children I grew in my womb and one child I grew in my heart, this is completely normal - with both!
    Hang in there... we're having a rough couple of weeks as well... I, too, am chalking it up to a crazy busy schedule. But (and I'm reminding myself too) it's WORTH some crankiness to make such wonderful Christmas memories.
    Sending love from NC!

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